I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
