That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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