How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
