god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Come share oat with me in your robe
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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