so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
