she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
