Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
