Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
