Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We have started to decorate penises.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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