Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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