Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
