Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
