I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
