I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You need a sexual gate keeper
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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