All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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