oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.