Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.