Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps

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(904): i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps http://tfl.nu/x84f

Replies (85) Good night (6406) Bad night (601)
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(806): View more from Texas

and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...

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(806): and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"... http://tfl.nu/oz9l

Replies (77) Good night (1939) Bad night (6788)
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(847): View more from Illinois

My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

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(847): My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo http://tfl.nu/wnvu

Replies (31) Good night (1358) Bad night (6770)
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(407): View more from Florida

I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.

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(407): I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk. http://tfl.nu/exk9

Replies (25) Good night (6703) Bad night (1108)
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(419): View more from Ohio

you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you

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(419): you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you http://tfl.nu/zo5g

Replies (7) Good night (4124) Bad night (1291)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.

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(501): Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure. http://tfl.nu/9bef

Replies (7) Good night (1113) Bad night (4437)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?

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(919): are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet? http://tfl.nu/54if

Replies (14) Good night (4355) Bad night (1287)
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(806): View more from Texas

There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.

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(806): There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night. http://tfl.nu/26q0

Replies (4) Good night (555) Bad night (1031)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots

(1-410): View more from Maryland

Cant promise that last part. I won't die though

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(410): Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots (1-410): Cant promise that last part. I won't die though http://tfl.nu/qr7s

Replies (1) Good night (1227) Bad night (562)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.

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(828): Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state. http://tfl.nu/9dzb

Replies (6) Good night (2810) Bad night (836)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away

(781): View more from Massachusetts

i think i might be a female sloth

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(617): female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away (781): i think i might be a female sloth http://tfl.nu/d8fr

Replies (5) Good night (2018) Bad night (444)
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(330): View more from Ohio

exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.

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(330): exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun. http://tfl.nu/7m4g

Replies (5) Good night (671) Bad night (344)
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(850): View more from Florida

Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was

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(850): Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was http://tfl.nu/vhsw

Replies (6) Good night (925) Bad night (340)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job

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(602): I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job http://tfl.nu/2673

Replies (0) Good night (761) Bad night (293)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious

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(410): Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious http://tfl.nu/mt9h

Replies (5) Good night (593) Bad night (226)

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