I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"