A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle