Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
