Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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