I'm gonna have a badass scar
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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