whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
