rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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