When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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