I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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