He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
