R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
