Im at strip club and am horny
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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