I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
