How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
