Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
