So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
