Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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