3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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