I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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