can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
