I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
