my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
