im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
