you turned your livingroom into a bong?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
