What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
there is glitter all over my balls
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
