maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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