Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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