ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize