So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize