The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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