so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish my penis had an off switch
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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