Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize