see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
