Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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