but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
