There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
