Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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