i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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