She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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