is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
