Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
