Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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