Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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