If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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