Please, let me fuck your mom
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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