So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
