She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
