Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
