He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
